jusqu'ici, tout va bien

falls_toclimb @ 2008-05-20T02:43:00

2008-05-20T01:51:35Z

well saturday was completely fucking awesome. modern languages society ball which i've been organising for the past month or so. was proper tense all day and didn't really relax till after i'd made my speech, but it all came together and 219 people had a cool night. i think. hehe.

after party was at ours. loads of people came. carnage ensued. i'm currently using the 20% or so of my laptop screen which i can see after darryl thought it'd be really fucking funny to come into my room, jump on top of my bed with me and The Boy, spill wine all over it and then fall on top of my laptop which was on the floor. that was a very expensive fall. he is now £120 lighter and i've put the cash toward buying a new laptop.

but these things happen. and nothing could really bring me down on saturday. the last people left at about 5.30am and i went back updatirs with The Boy and we had a lovely chat about stuff. he makes me smile muchly.

looks like i'm going to turn down my place in sweden this week. i'd bloody love to go, but i could really do with saving some cash considering there aren't the scholarships available to western europeans. it's a cool job too. i'm totally reapplying next year though. Boy hasn't made my mind up, but i'd like to see where things go with this one...

anyway. i'd best go to bed. expecting the delivery of my new laptop eaaaaaaaaaarly tomorrow. nightnight x

falls_toclimb @ 2008-05-04T02:52:00

2008-05-04T01:53:38Z

i love the desi grill and the tasty onion bhajis and fanta which they supply me with when working at this ridiculous hour.

thank you desi grill.

falls_toclimb @ 2008-05-03T15:31:00

2008-05-03T14:32:02Z

panic over

i bought a new kettle

falls_toclimb @ 2008-05-03T00:46:00

2008-05-02T23:56:10Z

i'm listening to the carpenters

good lord

i think this might have been the first record i properly appreciated. i must have been about 7 years old or something and my dad used to play it. i seem to remember adopting the tape for a quite a while and just playing it from start to finish and then over again and again and again.

my word. karen carpenter was pretty talented...

so i got that job i went for today. pretty sweet job it is too. pays quite well, nothing too stressful.

suppose i'll see what Lund have to say now.

i don't like making decisions.

falls_toclimb @ 2008-04-30T14:47:00

2008-04-30T14:05:53Z

sweden update

urgh

so my first choice uni got back to me to let me know that i am 3rd on the waiting list for a place on the programme i applied for. initially i was a little disappointed until i found out that for the 40 places available, there were over 1,600 applicants.

so i don't suppose 43 is so bad!

but now i have to go to a job interview on friday knowing that i'll have to wait until the end of may to find out if i'm accepted from the waiting list. i know i'm getting ahead of myself, but if i'm offered the job i'll have rather a tough decision to make.

firm job offer or possibility of masters?

argh!

falls_toclimb @ 2008-04-30T01:36:00

2008-04-30T00:44:00Z

Jusqu'ici tout va bien

Jusqu'ici tout va bien

My head is spinning tonight

I have so much to think about. Good lord. Today I quit my job. I'll miss a few of those guys. Tonight was Societies Awards night too. The Society I'm president of won two awards:

- Best Departmental Society
- Accenture Best Society

Couldn't have asked for more.

Today I should have found out about Sweden, but notifications have been delayed until May 8th. My first choice uni has, however, given me a Selection Group: LU Masterprogram and a Merit Rating: 996. Now I know some people for the same course have already been offered a place with a merit rating of 999, but I know others who have been rejected with a MR of 1. So who knows? I'm thinking that maybe it's a conditional thing on me getting me degree, but I suppose I'll have to wait until the 8th of May to find out.

But then I'm thinking of Boy. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but if I get into Sweden, what will happen with Boy? I'll be away in Scandinavia/Africa for the best part of 2 years. That wouldn't really work. oops.

But then I have a job interview on Friday. What happens if I get offered the job AND a place in Sweden? What then? Do I try to defer the Masters for a year, take the job and try to save some money and give things a go with Boy?

What happens if they all turn me down?

Argh so many questions.

And they will all be spinning round my head when I switch my light off in a mo, fighting for space with my dissertation, mock exams and essay musings.

Urgh.

Night then. x

falls_toclimb @ 2008-04-26T17:25:00

2008-04-26T16:36:25Z

met Boy on thursday. we went to the theatre to see A Doll's House. it was pretty damn good actually. totally ahead of its time. yum.

theatre with Boy turned into wine with Boy. we had a reet good chat, then were accosted by a fella and his friend who seemed quite intent on making friends with us. they were pleasant enough. the girl was telling me some quite scandalous stories about what NHS staff get up to. my word.

so wine with Boy turned into clubbing with Boy. clubbing changed to take-away. here i feel i must make reference to the "sex change fund so i can have big tits like jordan" collection box the fella has in there. when he saw me reading it and laughing, he looked at me, made a cupping motion at his chest and said "really big tits".

odd man. he looks like the sort who might one day kill a man.

the walk home turned into a brew, the brew turned into "well you might as well stay here tonight" and in no time at all it's friday night and Boy is still in my house eating curry. dinnertime moved on to late evening, late evening changed to madrugada and before i know it it's saturday morning and i'm having breakfast with Boy again on my sofa.

quite possibly the longest date of all time. and lovely too.

now i must go do some work. for i am in a blind panic.

byebyebye x

falls_toclimb @ 2008-04-21T03:02:00

2008-04-21T02:21:45Z

last night i was a bit of a drunken mess.

have had a fun weekend actually. went out friday with The European Gay Community (hereon known as EGC. ha!) to watch ian sing with a salsa band. sound was all over the place, but the band were ace. really really good.

i like the cluny a lot. i should go there more often.

so i may have drunkenly hugged my lecturer too. twice. i blame 7% cider. oh well.

saturday i met neil for drinks and what not with some crew. that was good times. then we went to a restau and accidentally stole wine. i was pretty drunk by then but clearly don't know my limit. forced everyone to come to a trebs bar with me so i could meet A Boy who has the potential to become The Boy. it was all fantabulous. the lady at the bar got really arsey with me and i got into a big argument with her. my argument is this: if you're going to ID me, don't be a twat about it. if i supply you with ID, don't look at me like i'm osama bin laden trying to use the pope's passport to get served in some skeezy trebs bar. christ alive.

i got my drink.

then we moved on to a club where beer happened. urgh. everyone deserted me, so i got a cab back to heaton with Boy. he's lovely.

by the time i left him and got home it was on the way to 4.30am. i set my alarm in the hope that i'd manage to get to work next day.

i woke up at 12.30pm - half an hour before my shift started an hour away. a quick phonecall to The Boss (who now hates me more than he did yesterday), a really fucking shakey excuse and apology later, and I was back in bed.

waaaaaaaaaay!

tonight, i managed to make myself look respectable and then went to F's for dinner. it was ace. EGC are mint. in the same situation, i could see how a lot of people might not give me the time of day. but they are individually and collectively lovely with me. i'm very glad i get on with F's fella too.

so there we go. it's very very late again. i should go to bed really.

maybe i'll update soon and express my extreme displeasure with The Swedes. they're being absolute fuckers.

oh and i applied for a job too. we'll see how that goes.

bedtime. night!

falls_toclimb @ 2008-04-17T01:59:00

2008-04-17T00:59:53Z

there's fucking hailstones coming through my fireplace!

falls_toclimb @ 2008-03-26T19:43:00

2008-03-26T20:00:24Z

i have a dissertation to write

i have an essay to write

i also have a fucking cyst on my wrist

i don't know if it's an RSI or what, but it is definitely a bastard fucking cyst. if i go to the doctor, they can drain it with a needle and there's a 50% chance it'll come back. I can have it surgically removed and it almost definitely won't come back.

OR...

I can hit it with a fucking big book.

No kidding. I can hit it with a massive hard-back book and it might burst and stay away for long enough for me to write my essay. Then again, it might just hurt like a bastard and make it worse.

gargh.

and here ends the (only slightly disgusting) story of rhys and his wrist cyst.

falls_toclimb @ 2008-03-11T23:43:00

2008-03-11T23:44:54Z

What a load of shit.

I wouldn't do it on principle. Does that make me "less British"?

And do I give a shit anyway?

Not really...

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-27T01:25:00

2008-02-27T01:25:15Z

earthquake!

aah!

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-19T02:28:00

2008-02-19T02:29:21Z

oh and i'd like you all to visit sometime.

yes, that's an open invitation.

i feel kinda far away in newcastle.

we can drink wine and fall over.

(falling over is optional. drinking wine is not.)

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-19T01:53:00

2008-02-19T02:27:02Z

oh livejournal

things are looking up

i'm such a twat sometimes

see the thing is, i seem to suffer from these bizarre mood swings. i'd call it depression if i didn't think it made me sound like a hormonal teenager. and if it wasn't so temporary.

one week i'm on top of the world, everything is going well, i'm busybusybusy, i love newcastle and i love my life here.

the next, i just retreat into this strange state of being... it's like i'm not really me. hard to explain really, but i can feel it happening and i can feel myself changing. i get moody, withdrawn, defeatist and just want to go to sleep until it's all over.

last week it got baaaaaaad. just suddenly. i missed all my classes because i literally could not motivate myself to get out of bed. for ANY of my classes, or ANY reason at all for that matter. one day, i got up when it had already gone dark. i don't know why this happens, but it does. and i wish it wouldn't.

i felt really bad though. i emailed my personal tutor and made up an inner ear infection. i couldn't really say "oh actually, i have an overwhelming feeling of self-loathing today so i thought i'd stay at home..." in turn, she put a message out to ALL the staff in my department to tell them that I was ill (including the fucking computer technicians) and people were genuinely concerned for my health. to have to then confess that there was nothing really wrong with me was rather humbling. really fucking embarrassing actually. so i decided to do something about all this.

i put a shirt and tie on and speculatively went to a store in gateshead for a recruitment day. an hour of complete bullshitting later and the guy was convinced. the next day, he phoned me to tell me that i will be joining the team that will set up The Pier concession at ILVA Gateshead.

i honestly can't fucking wait.

it sounds kinda stupid to be getting excited about working part time in a shop, but it might give me some reason to get up in a morning when i get down on work and uni and newcastle and everything else. i dunno. i just want to be tired because i'm busy again rather than tired with life.

and i'm sorry if this entry sounds like a crock of shit. it probably is, but i felt like i needed to get it down on a page. i'm not very good at talking about this sort of thing. it's the way i've been brought up. i'm kind of emotionally retarded. stiff upper lip and all that. haha.

it's strange not having my sister here to talk things through with. i know, i have awesome friends, but she's just my source of zen. if ever something needs putting into perspective, i can get Romy on the phone and she'll make my problems go away. i miss other friends too. i sometimes wish we all shared a city again.

most of you probably know by now (most of you? like anyone reads this any more) that i've applied to go study in sweden next year. well i thought a combination of me being a fuckwit and the royalmail being SERIOUS fuckwits had cocked the whole thing up. it turns out that i'd slightly misread the appropriate website and everything got there just in time.

so i'm happy about that again.

tomorrow, i think i might tidy my room and clean it from top to bottom. i find cleaning quite cathartic. and i think that's just what i need.

tonight i spent with franck. i don't really know what to say about that, but i want to say something so we'll see what happens. i think i smiled properly tonight and meant it for the first time in a while. it's strange how some people come into your life. if i hadn't crossed paths with franck i don't know what i'd be doing this year. it's been a lot harder than i'd expected, and not in the ways i thought it would be. but i guess if i've had one constant, he's been it. and i can't really put a value on it.

i'm in a strange place right now.

but i do have a new kitchen. the landlord came on friday and measured up. the fitters came today and replaced all the work surfaces, installed a new fridge/freezer and the spankiest oven i could have asked for. fan-assisted, defrost function, double grill... i love it.

who dear? me dear? gay dear? no dear...

speaking of gay. i just watched maxxie's stalker masturbate on his bed in Skins. my only thought was, "oh that's a nice duvet cover".

if ever i needed confirmation of my sexuality, there it is.

i still can't go to sleep. and i still can't wake up in a morning.

my favourite band right now are the cure.

my favourite song by the cure right now is love song.

that is all.

goodnight. x

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-16T02:24:00

2008-02-16T02:24:36Z

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

aaaaaargh

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-16T02:18:00

2008-02-16T02:20:45Z

oh lord

it's all going tits up

i feel like SUCH a twat

i just want to go to sleep and wake up in september

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-15T12:13:00

2008-02-15T12:13:55Z

well i fucked up sweden and now i'm slowly fucking up newcastle

for fucks sakes

it's all going wrong...

falls_toclimb @ 2008-02-15T00:40:00

2008-02-15T03:07:13Z

I don't often moan... but I guess I'm going to now.

The thing is, I don't think I'm really all that happy at the moment. Things are just really... dull.

I dunno if dull is the word. I feel like I'm just treading water until my degree is over though. I know that I shouldn't really wish my life away, especially given that I'm likely to look back at this year and wish it hadn't ended, but I'm just thoroughly bored with everything.

If Sweden doesn't come off, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I need a new challenge. Undergraduate at Newcastle just doesn't excite me like it used to. Now that interpreting is over, my language classes are just putting off the exams. I feel like I'm learning very little and I just can't get motivated.

I've missed more classes than I should have this year. And I suppose this is why. I have 7 hours A WEEK on my timetable and I'm hardly challenged to think for a single one of those.

I need to sort out my body clock too. Having 5 days a week off work isn't as fun as you'd think. I mean, why bother going to bed when you've got nothing to get up for?

I've been really irritable of late too. I don't like to be the boring person. I want to be fun and what not, but it's just not happening. Irritable is definitely the word.

Oh well. This entry is going about as far as everything else right now, so maybe I'll just log off and head to bed. That'd probably be a good plan, wouldn't it?

I should call my friends more...

falls_toclimb @ 2008-01-15T16:54:00

2008-01-15T16:54:50Z

fucked it up

oh well...

falls_toclimb @ 2008-01-15T01:24:00

2008-01-15T01:39:30Z

spanish interpreting exam tomorrow.

i'm actually quite nervous. hmmm.

i have a big list of vocab prepared for the scenario but i don't imagine it'll be of much use.

deep breath. shoulders back. smile.

i'm good at interpreting.

falls_toclimb @ 2008-01-09T03:53:00

2008-01-09T03:53:37Z

ooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooh I'm watching Obama concede to Hillary Clinton live.

Didn't see that one coming...

falls_toclimb @ 2007-12-30T00:29:00

2007-12-30T00:37:00Z

late entry for the most bizarre conversation i've had this year:

Mum: "your dad woke me up last night kicking around in his sleep and shouting about something..."

Dad: "No! I wasn't kicking! I was stamping on a golden retriever!"

falls_toclimb @ 2007-12-29T01:24:00

2007-12-29T01:32:42Z

I watched The History Boys. It was ace. As good as the stage version perhaps. You should all watch it if you haven't already. Laugh out loud funny. Poignant. And a bit of a suspension of reality too. Lovely.

I am also in love with Fat Freddy's Drop. In particular this album:

falls_toclimb @ 2007-12-28T11:39:00

2007-12-28T11:39:38Z

Oh lord.

Mother's on top form.

Back home on Sunday.

Thankfully.

falls_toclimb @ 2007-12-28T11:08:00

2007-12-28T11:38:29Z

# What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Ummmmmmmm. Went to USA.

# Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made one. I think one this year will be work related. Splendid.

# Did anyone close to you give birth?
Facebook informs me that practically my entire year at school has been with child at some point this year.

# Did anyone close to you die?
Nope

# What countries did you visit?
I lived in France and visited Ecuador, USA and Spain. I was in Bogotá long enough for the Narc police to x-ray me, but that doesn't really count as a visit.

# What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Maybe a little more stability might be fun. I've lived in 3 houses and spent 2 months of the year living from a back pack. I bloody love it though...

but maybe if were to find a boooooy. That might be good. And staying in one place for a little while might help there then.

# What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory?

4th July. My Independence Day. It was the anniversary of my year abroad and I spent it watching fireworks in Florida.

# What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I think on a small scale, it was volunteering in Ecuador again. For so many reasons.

# What was your biggest failure?
Letting the parents get under my skin far too much.

# Did you suffer illness or injury?
Was a bit sick toward the end of Ecuador. But nothing serious.

# What was the best thing you bought?
Trans-Atlantic flights. Liberal Democrat party membership.

# Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My sister.

# Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

# Where did most of your money go?
Rent. Drink. Travel.

# What did you get really, really, really excited about?

# What song/album will always remind you of 2007?
Ecuador - La Heperia - Try, Try, Try - Liam Frost or strangely Pass the Duchie - Musical Youth
- Tsuraku - Sonoras Dinamitas - Caramba
USA - Anything by Mike Jones
France - Diam's, Faf la Rage, or anyone corny and French.

# Compared to this time last year, are you:

1. happier or sadder? more stressed...
2. thinner or fatter? maybe marginally thinner
3. richer or poorer? much, much, much poorer.

# What do you wish you’d done more of?
Working.

# What do you wish you’d done less of?
Arguing.

# How will you be spending Christmas?
Already had Christmas with the parents, sister and Grandma.

# Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
The 'rents. Neil maybe.

# Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope.

# How many one night stands in this last year?
One. Kinda.

# What was your favourite TV programme?
Skins. or Weeds. They're both ace.

# Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. Hating people is too tiring.

# What was the best book(s) you read?
I read a lot of Nick Horny when I was away. Barrel Fever by David Sedaris was fantastic as was The Normals by some fella whose name I have forgotten.

# What was your greatest musical discovery?
Casiotone for the Painfully Alone. Liam Frost.

# What did you want and get?
My own house again.

# What did you want and not get?
Enough money to actually pay for everything.

# What were your favourite films of this year?
Bande a Part maybe. That was ace.

# What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My 22nd was spent trying to eat noodles in Wagamama with my friends who had plied me with wine quite successfully all night.

# What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I redirect you toward previous parent/money related answers.

# How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
I've got a lot smarter. For sure.

# What kept you sane?
Franck!

# Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh I don't know actually. I tend to mostly like real people...

# What political issue stirred you the most?
LibDem leadership election. French Presidential elections. Languages provision in schools. The Daily Mail (again). Having a new Prime Minister forced upon us without elections.

Quite a lot really...

# Who did you miss?
All my crew from France. Especially Abby and Sky.
Plus the ncl crew who aren't here any more. Annie, Neil, Josh, Jen...

# Who was the best new person you met?
Too many. My uncle in USA maybe. It's been 22 years coming. Alexandra and JP at La Hesperia who again changed my outlook on non-industrialised countries and their environment. Natale and all the Shuar people at Tsuraku who shared their way of life with me for 3 weeks. And all the volunteers I met along the way.

# Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
That although I'm a private person, I have to choose the right people to divulge information to.

# Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
I'll come back to this one...